Remember home is not school

It’s easy to get into the trap of making our homes like school. Routines and homework dominating the day. While routines are important to give consistency and an element of structure to ensure the most important things get done, they do not need to be the same every day, nor the same as school. Children spend around 6.5hours per day in school. They don’t need another 6 hours at home doing homework. John Hattie an education psychologist found that homework did not have as much benefit to students learning as feedback and other strategies. So, while there is a place for it, we do not need to become the nagging teacher forcing homework. Work on having a short time for work, and a long time to play.

Attachment and physical closeness first

We are relational beings, and the younger our children are the more they desire our time and affection. Putting our relationship with children first will support healthy and connected long-term relationships, and it is the foundation for all learning and exploration to come from. Relationship is always first. If there is something that is hindering your relationship with your child work on this before all else. All learning, exploration and confidence will come from a secure attachment with their primary caregiver. In my experience I have noticed that even teens desire physical affection. They are not too big to sit on your knee and have a hug, especially the children whose love language is physical touch. Enjoy these moments with your children as this is one of the most important things you can offer.

Roles and responsibilities

Any home needs clear roles and responsibilities of all its members. What is important here is not so much who and what these roles relate to but that once decided there is consistency in rolling them out. Many families have found chore schedules, or weekly timetables to be helpful here. It helps children to know what to expect, it shares the load, helps them learn to take responsibility, helps them know everyone has to participate, and teaches them about teamwork. These small lessons in life are invaluable for future careers and living.

Mandatory free play everyday

Free time and free play are not an option. They are a must. Children have a right to free play, and this doesn’t mean free device time. Devices can have their own benefits and disadvantages. Free play has been shown to increase imagination, encourage problem solving abilities, develop social competence, and be beneficial for children’s health. We are all so busy in our lives, with school, classes, sports and interests and these are great! But we cannot underestimate the power of free play for children of all ages. This is where they make sense of the world, build self-efficacy, develop conflict resolution skills, regulate their emotions and participate in something that brings joy.

Encourage creative play

Creativity is another area that children should explore. Sure, not every child will become an artist, but creative activities, and the arts use a different part of the brain, and different brain waves. It develops confidence, language, physical and thinking skills, imagination and emotional understanding. The arts encourage self-expression and decision making also. When your child is participating in the arts it can help you learn more about what your child may be thinking or feeling. It fosters mental growth, spatial awareness, visual motor integration and more.

Support fine motor control

Encouraging our children to use small objects to play with can support their physical development in many ways. This kind of play includes lego, bead threading, electronics, or any task where the pieces are small, and our fingers need to work intricately to put pieces together. Other benefits are it encourages creativity, improves hand-eye coordination, and assists in the development of communication skills such as talking, writing and drawing. It improves children’s physical awareness and builds confidence also. As children get older, they may prefer to use real life materials such as mechanics, or cross-stitch etc.

Make family time special

Children who eat family meals tend to eat a wider ranger of foods and become less picky eaters. Family meals also provide an opportunity for the family to come together and connect, and discuss what is happening in their day. While family meal-times may sound like the 1950’s there is no reason to be silent at the table like they did then. Sharing about our days and issues helps to build a strong connection with each other. It builds a sense of belonging which leads to better self-esteem. The dinner table can also be a time where you understand your child’s thinking more and can discuss ethical dilemmas and current affairs such as euthanasia, spirituality, war, prison and more.

Be a YES parent

It can be really easy to be a ‘no’ parents and default to this to allow decisions to be made easier, but intentionally becoming a ‘yes’ parent is worth it. When we do this it develops personal responsibility in our children. Children learn that they have power over their lives, and that they are also responsible to ensure they make the right decisions for themselves. It promotes good decision making and is a growth and positive mindset. Saying yes also helps your child see you as a partner on their side rather than a barrier to what they are wanting. If we really want to say no and believe this is the correct choice at the time – then use no. However, there is real power in saying yes more than no.

Move no matter the age

Many neurological conditions come from not moving. In fact, dementia and Alzheimer’s disease are also increased due to lack of movement. When the body moves, the brain grooves. We enhance our brain functioning, physical and mental health by moving. So we should make moving every day mandatory. It can be any movement, sports, games, walks, hikes, swimming, the list is endless. In fact, in Simply L.O.V.E I give you 105 ways you can be outside moving. The benefits really are amazing including increasing memory, perception, language, attention, emotion and decision making. When language is combined with movement, learning increases by 90 percent! And when we move in the outdoors in nature this enhances our mental and physical health exponentially.

Be kind, firm and calm in parenting

Jenny Hale has coined the term K,F,C parenting. Be Kind, Be Firm and Be clam when dealing with our children’s behaviour and choices. This again, enhances the relationship ensuring we are on the same team, and it allows children to express their feelings. When they are heard and understood, more often than not, children will choose to change their own behaviour. This is the end goal of parenting. That we empower children to make the right choices of their own accord. When we model the regulation of our own emotions then we can help our children support their own emotional regulation.

Enjoy!
Leanne